tapati's blog

Big Bad Swim

It's been a few weeks after having experienced a week-long global conference with co-creatives from all around the world converging to discuss and conflux in co-creating REALITY. I'm trying to see what's left in me and how to synthesize everything that transpired during the event, my realizations, current aspirations and deal with my current reality. Somehow the conference venue's elevation gave a great source of spiritual energy from the earth to come into our senses of things that needed to be done and undone in our different lives. Just as I got back to Cebu, all of those grand ideas kept floating in my mind. And I must admit, am a bit uneasy of keeping my excitement from having not being able to start doing some ground work/foundations to stabilizing those great ideas (and soon to be a physical reality) worthy to remain up there highest in the sky. Having to wait for the rest of Pag-asa youth for our meeting, as well as feeling the distance-conquering energies of international delegates going back to their communities and doing their respective calling as being shared during the conference, drove me overwhelmingly crazy!  Having the feeling of being "stuck" to my room by myself has become a great challenge coz I cannot stop my mind from thinking. I had to watch movies just to distract my mind a bit and before I realize it am back to thinking again and back to the feeling of being stuck!

I remembered what Orland Bishop said that in order to feel the flow, one must be near the element of water. And so I went to check the pool at Abellana Sports Complex. On one pool, I watched the kids enjoying the waters while learning how to swim. I also watched the athletes seriously training to achieve their goals on the other pool. And on the same bleachers I am sitting in, are their parents, guardians and friends doing their anti-idle activities while waiting for their respective swimmer to finish. I also watched myself watching everything around me hoping to take my mind off from my soon to be lifelong engagement with my new world.  A new world of having to cross an abysmal space from the familiar grounds. A major pivot of my life which necessitates letting go of attachments, establishing new relationships, and to be doing a lot of tasks til death do me part!. And while sensing all these in me, I got amazed externally as to how the pools' waters became and is an instrument of achieving all people's intention of attention as why we were gathered at that exact same place with different realities joined into one. And while all of these are happening, I took two of my favourite pens and found myself sketching monster waves (though I wanted it to be monstrously, gracefully, zen-like-yet-to-no-avail-didn't-look-anything-close-to-waves) and finished the entire strong doodle with the realization that

Commitments can be drowning though we might simply have forgotten how to breathe. Sometimes we only need to be reminded of our childhood that we instinctively love to swim.

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Taking that as a cue, I took a dip in the pool for 30 minutes. A decision came to heal all the fears I have with drowning by simply synchronizing myself in and out of the deep water. Managing my body weight down to the bottom and kicking from the bottom to go way back up. Knowing when to breathe and not to breathe. Feeling my heart pound faster as I paddle and calmer as I decelerate. Trusting that the law of buoyancy will keep me still on the surface. And as far from the speed of everyone else, I am content with having this kind of nonathletic dialogue with the water yet keeping in mind my sense of being with everyone else' inside the pool.

Significant moments of our lives, we could have experienced more than one big bad swim. But that doesn't mean we stop breathing and allow ourselves to get drowned. Sometimes all it takes is to commit to the child in us not to forget how we loved experiencing the waters despite of how unclear and dynamic they flow to be. ---

My voice

Sometimes I hear my voice and its been here silent all these years. -Tori Amos

You, me and many have something to say in different things needing opinion. But sometimes its sad that those ideas just stops in us. It could be a lot better if those voices are expressed and heard of. The great challenge is being able to communicate effectively and efficiently. I scanned an old module from Edinburgh Telford College that spoke about different ways of communication. Written. Verbal and non-verbal. Non verbal communication ranks the highest , Verbal communication is next, and Written form of communication ranks the lowest only having 7% rate of efficacy. Yet as how the world goes, the written form is the most used to reach a lot of people and is easy on archiving as well.

To relate it to my personal experience as a musician/artist, my journey is pretty tough. From exploring different genres and musicality then to realizing that art is a powerful communication tool. I evolved through an organic process from simply echoing others voices to having the need to express whats mine. Recently, people are already asking to hear originals from me. what's in my head. how I view things. my perspective. and yet I'm faced with 3 basic things: writing the lyrics of the song, making the melody, and marrying the lyrics and the melody gracefully so that both will be one. When I look back, I am simply satisfied with being a vocalist and am quite lucky to be in good company of musicians like Joey Ayala, Jess Santiago and many more who are encouraging me to grow into an singer/songwriter.

Like the phoenix, an artist has to die a thousand deaths in order to become the greatest potential of himself as an artist being part of a greater truth. I guess that is how most artist arrive in their search for meaning, content and inspiration of whatever field of artistry they are in. Communicating effectively is the next big thing. Worlds can be destroyed, made and amplified just by thoughts alone.

Going back to the crudest and the most used 7%, I personally believe that it represents a tip of the iceberg. And even by being very efficient on using this can really do a lot. Lyric writing is a creative synthesis of a detailed perspective on something that is extracted from free writing. The comfortable way to write nowadays is through a popular term called blogging, which a lot of people have been using to create different worlds in cyberspace. What's surprising is that blogging is even a tool not just for art but for business. I had a few exchanges of words with one of Cebu's great voices Cattski Espina regarding writing workshop and the business side of writing and it really showed that both leverage one another.

So I guess I should be attending this blog camp after all. If you find something in you that resonates to going to the camp as well, perhaps we'll see each other then... ^_^

After all, this is a free blog cam

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How I celebrate Holy Week

Funny how Filipinos have a complacent attitude of celebrating pain in the average Filipino daily lives… Aside from the our struggling economic status, this acquired sadomasochistic nature of Filipinos can be attributed to our Colonization-based religion Roman Catholicism; as we yearly commemorate through realistically barbaric reenactment of the passion and death of Christ.

If one is observant and witness this specific cultural tradition during Holy Week, then prepare for a live “bloody” treat. No matter where you are located, there will always be a version of Passion of Christ within the area. Popular terms are Pasyon, Pagbasa, Penitensya, Senakulo, and also with that Holy Week comes bisita Iglesia and praying of the Station of the Cross and many more. The elders observe what we call Fasting and Obstinence. Similar to Ramadan, it is also a 40 days fasting and to many people, avoidance of eating meat during Cuaresma.Any person who would be interested to know in details could go to any Philippine Library and/or search through the net, type in Cuaresma, Pasyon, etc, and can get many hits in Google.

One of which I strongly agree with and would want to echo as well are critics on a movie The Passion of Christ and it goes like this: The Passion of Christ is gory and violent, only then because crucifixion is gory and violent. People were often coerced and manipulated by church members into going to see this “spiritual” film. Then, after being emotionally shaken by the horrible violence of the film, they were pounced on by religious “counselors.” This so-called “offer to help” was used as an opportunity to evangelize and manipulate them even more. I’ve heard of several reports of counselors taking crying women into the restroom while assuring them, “Yes, this is how Jesus suffered and died—for you!” If that was how devastating the film effected on people, how much damage can it cause for witnessing it live with your own two eyes and have this horror repeated over and over again year after year?

For me, I wouldn’t want to be a Catholic practitioner having this “suffering” mania going over and over inside my head as a means of modifying me behaviorally to be a “good” Catholic. Though for myself, I’d rather be a “Christian” by thinking and following Jesus’ ways that sure enough during his time were taboos of the society and at worst-threatening, as He was crucified by the government. But all were gracefully justified centuries later since He was proclaimed as God. Yes, I’m a rebel, except for the capital G-God part.

Anyway, going back to the main topic, I and my family used to celebrate Holy Week by staying at home on the weekends and goes by the popular saying which of course goes by my own version “The family that stays together, watch movie marathons together”. That’s what we do, run a couple of “religious films” rented by the nearest VHS store(Pirated CDs are not yet flooding the market so video rentals are still in business) while my mother is busy preparing “Binignit”, “Yema”, and “fruit-shakes” as our official movie combo meal.No offense, my parents had a unique history: mother stayed in the convent since 13 yrs old till she graduated college, for which she finished in 7 years for shifting 3 different courses from BS Math to Education major in Filipino, then to AB Library Science; Father stayed in the seminary till he finished Civil Laws & Cannon laws and the rest of the “priestly stuff” that earned him one year of freedom from the seminary for contemplation and discernment before undergoing the official rites of Priesthood which he obviously didn’t take anyway, otherwise I wouldn’t exist to type this essay of eternal ranting about my views on Pasyon. My parents could have been contentedly bored with the tradition or what paradigms they’ve been adhering to after they left their “holy places” and perhaps explain why we were the way we were…

Since I no longer live with my family, during the last few Holy Weeks, I go by a much more recent edition of the saying “The family member that separated from the staying together, celebrate Holy week in Boracay Island”. If blasphemy is the over-rated term, then maybe my soul is at pawn in hell by the curse of being a neo-ethnic musician. Money is at its best during Holy week or what the islanders call “crazy week” in Boracay Island. Our current reality now is that people are working bloody hard for the low purchase power of Filipino money, even had to go overtime, OTY (overtime-thank you for low-budget companies) that they would appreciate vacations such as Philippine’s longest: the birth of Christ and the death of Christ, plus a lot of foreigners checking out Asian countries to invest money and spend their cheap VIP holidays with, such as Boracay Island. Damn, the tips are good.

Since I have nothing more pro-Pasyon opinion to say, I would end my essay with “What the hell?!” I just wish people will find their own purposeful way of spending their Holy Week. For now, I enjoy listening to Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Rock Opera Jesus Christ Superstar again and again. The notes are pretty high "All your followers are blind, too much heaven on their minds... it was beautiful but now its gone sour..."

28th Wave

This song was inspired by my training mates wave 28 of Stellar BPO Cubao QC

I remember Sinbad

Having a ship and a crew

Sailing on the seven seas

Watching Crux and Aquila

With the best view

He said calm seas

never make you a skillful sailor

Rough waters make you strong

Just live the adventure and yes,

Your faith will be your anchor

Refrain:

And oh, the Winds blowing steep

Plunging more into the deep

bet I’m savin, workin,

Trainin my best brave, ooh

rockin, rollin, catchin

my 28th wave

I don’t have much

Seems average in this world

Sleep by day, work by night

Every now and then

Makin lovin damn right

I get my pay on the 23rd and 5th

On hella weekends, split offs,

sometimes after shifts, its all

music, smoke and booze

music, smoke and booze

BRIDGE:

I fix my eyes on the monitor

Tools and headset’s ready

And in one click away

one click away

one click away

Am back to my journey

Refrain:

And oh, the Winds blowing steep

Plunging more into the deep

bet I’m savin,workin, trainin

my best brave,ooh

rockin, rollin, catchin

my 28th wave

Yes I’m savin workin, trainin

my best brave,

rockin, rollin, catchin

my 28th wave

My 28th wave…

Daan Kamalayan

Isa sa mga kantang nakalutang lang... hehehe.... the melody was created on my first travel to Baguio, the lyrics was made on the trip back after visiting Kuya Noe's grave on his 1st death anniversary.

Naglalakbay naghahanap

lilipad sa kalawakan

sa karagatan lalanguyin

pailalim pailalim

pagiisip ay linawin

palawakin palawakin

salamin ang mundo

ng iyong katotohanan

Ligayang may halong pangamba

Sa pagtuklas at paglikas

May Bukod tanging paraan

Iyong tagumpay ay sa
iyong daan

Naghahanap ng kasagutan

Sa mundo ng katanungan

Ninanais ay gawin

At higitan ang kahinaan

Ipagpatuloy ipagpatuloy

Tungo sa iyong kalayaan

At sundin ang alamat

Nang matalisik na
kamalayan

At kahit may halong pangamba

Sa pagtuklas at paglikas

may bukod tanging paraan

Iyong tagumpay ay sa
iyong daan

Ang tagumpay na nakalaan

Ang gabay sa iyong daan

Ay ang matalisik na kamalayan

Peekaboo Lover

Peekaboo lover

Now I see, now I don’t

Peekabo lover

Now I feel, now I won’t

Peekaboo

He’s on the hiding

For the things he’s done

He’s on the hiding

For the mess undone

Peekaboo peekaboo

peek-a-boo lover, lover

Sorry I ain’t even sorry

It’s game over, over

Peekaboo lover

Left without communication

Gone with no disclaimer

Drove me deep to my depression

Peekaboo

I’m on the grinding

with the lies he tell

Yeah I’m on the grinding

but oh what the hell?!

Peekaboo peekaboo

peek-a-boo lover, lover

Sorry I ain’t even sorry

It’s game over, over

And if I eat my own words

I’m lying for tomorrow

But as real as today

and could be everyday

Haunted by your memory

Alive and dead in my head

No cares, no worries

Battle’s won, I’ve just said

Peekaboo peekaboo

peek-a-boo lover, lover

Sorry I ain’t even sorry

It’s game over, over

May Mga Lalaki

one of my recently written songs made out of meeting different women friends and having talked about relationships and more .... =)

May mga lalaking masipag, matalino,

Meron ding may bahay, ari-arian de titulo

Diretsong magisip sa ikaka-asenso

Kasiguraduhan ay iyong-iyo

May mga lalaking sa prinsipyo’y naninidig

At meron ding ika’y makipagtalo’t makikinig

May ibang lipad-isip sa mundong inaapakan

Sumasabay na lang sa alon ang patutunguhan

May mga lalaking matino sa hanap-buhay

May mga lalaking sa buhay’ mabibigyang kulay

May mga lalaking ika’y magpapakasal

May mga lalaking ika’y magmamahal

May mga lalaking suki sa lambing

Meron ding patay malay sa lahat ng iyong daing

May mga lalaking pang habang buhay

May mga lalaking habang buhay kang pinapatay

May mga lalaking kayamanan ay dangal

May mga lalaking matiyaga sa dasal

May mga lalaking magaling lang sa kwentuhan

May mga lalaking mas mabuting kalimutan

Ngunit sa dinadinami nila

Napamahal ka sa isa, o iilan pa

At kapag ika’y nakapili na,

Ano ba ang papel mo?

Ikaw ba’y sinta, ana, ina, asawa, dyosa,

querida, producer, consultant, counselor,

kusinera, labandera, yaya atbp…

Ano ba ang babae sa buhay ng lalaki?

Iba’t ibang babae, Iba’t ibang lalaki,

Isipin mo’t, handa ka na ba,

sa uri ng lalaking pipiliin at mapunta?

Ikaw ba ay masaya?

sa mga lalaking matino sa hanapbuhay

Sa mga lalaking buhay’ mabibigyang kulay

sa mga lalaking ika’y magpapakasal

sa mga lalaking ika’y magmamahal

Noise

 

Stop you all

been trying to  clear my mind

All these fucked up

Remained portrait memories

Silent and surreal

 

Years rolled by and I'm still me

Gone and back from the woods

I got me a lamp and coat

Everything's out there

So you can watch me

Just do

Am  looking at you too

 

Sun and rain

always feel good to my face

But my hands and feet remain cold

No matter what

No matter what

 

Tomorrow its gone

So kiss me now

My lips seal truthcakes till its warm

When season turns red again

 

Care to smoke?

got a pack of lights in my fishbowl

Waiting to be burned

As I do to them and me

you can't wait

now  am hurting its yours

 

its all nonsense

Eternity in circles

I was blind

but now its all dark

 

I have to go

Songkran Festival

 

 

Songkran is a Thai traditional New Year which starts on April 13 every year and lasts for 3 days. Songkran festival on April 13 is Maha Songkran Day or the day to mark the end of the old year, April 14 is Wan Nao which is the day after and April 15 is Wan Thaloeng Sok which the New Year begins. At this time, people from the rural areas who are working in the city usually return home to celebrate the festival. Thus, when the time come, Bangkok temporarily turns into a deserted city.

                                                          

Songkran is a Thai word which means "move" or "change place" as it is the day when the sun changes its position in the zodiac. It is also known as the "Water Festival" as people believe that water will wash away bad luck.

The Songkran tradition is recognized as a valuable custom for the Thai community, society and religions. The value for family is to provide the opportunity for family members to gather in order to express their respects to the elders by pouring scented water onto the hands of their parents and grandparents and to present them gifts including making merits to dedicate the result to their ancestors. The elders in return wish the youngsters good luck and prosperity.

The values for community is to provide the opportunity to create unity in the community such as to jointly acquire merits, to meet each other and to enjoy the entertaining events. And for the society value is to create concern upon environment with cooperation such as to clean houses, temples, public places and official buildings. Thais value the religion bye means of merits acquisition, offerings alms to monks, Dhamma Practice, listening to sermon and monks-bathing.

 

In the afternoon, after performing a bathing rite for Buddha images and the monks, the celebrants both young and old, joyfully splash water oon each other. The most-talked about celebration takes place in the northern province of Chiang Mai where Songkran is celebrated from April 13 to 15. During this period, people from all parts of the country flock there to enjoy the water festival, to watch the Miss Songkran Contest and the beautiful parades.

My Sacred Space

Universe_1

 

Here I lurk behind the hollow grounds of reality, in the underworld where I can simply be. Nursed after death. Wombed to be born again. Undergoing metamorphosis from me to me. From nothing to nothing. Emptiness and of being. Deafened by shrieking sounds and voices unheard of.  Exhausted with all sort of thoughts racing. Eternal restlessness. Suffocated by surrounding dark shadows both moving and still. Blinding rays of lights everywhere. Grey smoke escaping from my skin; Drenched, burned and scathed by the boiling waters of healing. Grieving with banished souls, lost and fallen from the sky of dreams. Haunted by faceless reflections as was comforted with their familiarity. A sanctuary of broken mirrors suspended on air spilled with a blood sacrifice of love. Of having a place to hide. Saprotrophs eating my mortal body alive, decomposing my every rotten self. Breathe to die, breathe to live. Too numb to feel. Awaiting the release. Anticipating the relief.

Here I am in my sacred space. A place everyone dreaded to be, the place that was meant for me. It is nowhere but existing. A place converging the dimensions of time and space. The place where I reside in the sacredness of nothing and the abysmal acceptance of the horrors of everything.